Monday, October 29, 2012

To Hell, with The Good Indian Girl.


I was all of 22 when this question first arose. We had gone out to a nearby trek as a group and I chose to sit with a guy in a bus journey, who I was neither dating nor had any intentions to. Of course, he was not my brother or anyway related. Over the next two days, we spent time doing stuff together – waiting on each other at unknown bus stops, filling water bottles for each other, sharing one vegetarian dish over lunch ( cause we were the only two loners), being on one team in antakshari. He was also my personal photographer. The trip got over, and two days later I realized I had just stooped to an all time low from the good Indian girl I was.

Someone from the group assumed (rather stupidly) that I was trying hard for him and created an online photo album full of pictures of me and him.  Most of them were falsely cropped and edited as we did not take too many pictures together. This album was shared, rather secretly amongst the group until the guy in question saw them. He went berserk with rage and screamed choicest abuses. Of course we chilled it over with some good ice tea.

The good Indian girl does not have conversations with seemingly nice men and call herself friendly. She usually hangs out with the equally demented girls and is given wry and naughty eye stares, giggles and not mention flat, senseless comments when she does break the norm. She will call herself independent and will cross waters for a much rated elite education, however she will still be “at least hesitant” to go alone with a guy for a movie. It is to be understood that going to the movie is perfectly acceptable if initial hesitance is shown in melodramatic doses. A girl who refuses to be hesitant is usually labeled “loose” and more intensely called slut.

Her usual comments on love and relationship are heavily influenced from puke sweet doses of movies and any non-adherence to the usual map calls for a scrutiny on fidelity. If a couple break up, the anatomy of her relationship style is heavily examined. Not to mention, every one of her previous 9345 boyfriends become instantly lucky and the future 9346’s goat is a martyr. The first time I heard an account from a friend about how her roommate ditched her boyfriend (she was in a seriously depressing con called love) and got herself a “local guy”, I had doubts if the report was on a hooker. Oh no, if you call me exaggerated, I request you to email me for the whole story.

The rather demure girl has all her aspirations, dreams, hopes on a perfect wedding with her boyfriend (of course, only sluts or “impotent women” break up). Anyone like yours truly who has no ideas on her wedding is promptly ignored. I cannot remember the number of uninvited conversations I have been a part of, and the amount of vague confusion every conversation has led me into.  It is even more annoying when the said girl has interests in photography, design, sarees, mehendi, men ( in that order). All this pressure makes it harder to do simple stuff like listen to Adele without being questioned.

If I had to assume all this drama ends with the grand finale of a marriage, I cannot be more gullible. It almost continues all thorough her life with questions, wry glances, broken giggles, clandestine conversations, gossip filled pizza nights and transcends from the just graduate, to the new bride until it reaches the recent widow. And here, I am talking only about the peer group of women. They are mostly equally educated, equally fat with bank balances, and mostly of the same age. I am not taking the aunties who sit back home to gossip ( who, IMHO are more soft with thoughts/words), and I am not taking one whole half of the world into my observation.

This may be a rant to few but any woman who has nodded her head through knows what I am talking about. It is that unspoken worm, the creepy devil in every Indian woman’s head. That devil , which the society garlands and celebrates womanhood. To hell, with it. To hell, with the good indian girl. I am plainly sick of you.

27 comments:

  1. Give it another 10 years. The good Indian girl will be a fossil.
    The biggest struggle will be in villages and small towns. It seems the most difficult task in the world is to open a human's mind.

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    1. Amit, It is not about the physical place. Women, as much as they move out - work, learn are tied into this image which social conditioning has given. As Nirvana points out, it is immortal. And yes, the most difficult task is to open a human's mind. Especially, when hypocrisy fills it.

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  2. Very thoughtful post. And I think I disagree with Amit... the good Indian girl is immortal - and try as we might, we will still continue to be a hypocrytic lot. Don't believe me? Listen to conversations in a hep, modern office where other women (and men) bitch about women who are slightly unconventional....

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    1. The problem is the convention was defined by these men and women. It is there, anywhere the community is around. May be this is the case with other nations too, I do not know!

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    2. I guess you are right. :(
      I was being too optimistic.
      And yes, the problem is not just with our country. Remember the episode which started the whole concept of a slut walk?

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  3. Oh yaa...the good Indian girl can get on your nerves at times na :(

    However, whatever we do Arch, the goodness component does show its 'ugly' head once in a while :(

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    1. I agree RM. It is just that an overdose of it happens when one is outside India. I get sick of all that I am expected to feel!

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  4. I was one of those girls who was nodding her head in agreement!!

    I fail to understand why do people do this. One cup of coffee together and you are dating. One movie and you are serious. One dinner and you are engaged!!

    What rubbish... why don't people understand that there is something known as friends that exist too which is beyond a gender.

    Been there, done that and now it has been so bad that it no longer affects me. Rather I flaunt it in style ;)

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    1. It affects me very less nowdays. Yet, frustration looms. My vent was more to write my own thoughts. Oh, more than the friend thing, it sucks when judgements loom so large on anything! Hi-faive, twin!

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  5. I am sure I am one of those lucky girls who 'managed' to be the only girl in the class of 90 in Mechanical Engineering. It was not that easy but it was not tough either. The problem lies in the back stabbing episodes where the other 'girls'label a girl like me in a manner one should not. You know what, Just don't care! That is the fundae I have developed since the very first day of my college life! Take care!

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    1. You nailed it with the girls label girls. That, is my problem point. I expect too much maturity, I guess :)

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  6. The good Indian girl does have male friends - but behind the screens - and mostly with a "potential more-than-a-friend" tag right from the beginning. She can not understand plain & open friendship.

    And the good Indian girl thinks there is a competition about this 'goodness'. There is even a competition in bitchiness about the not-so-good girls. Wonder what the first prize is.. it is probably given only at death.

    But it is super fun to give these good girls masala to bitch about - to mess up with these minds. [sadistic evil grin]

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    1. I swear I replied to this comment, and now it is missing! Damn.

      And yes that mystery character is always around. Mostly, he is masqueraded and paraded as a "just friend" for months. The prize I do not know, but the curse is being fooder for my blog :D ( evil grins back)

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  7. Absolutely Agree. I am glad that someone else thinks the samae.

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  8. I was nodding all along! I fail to understand why being friendly is often equated to romantic interests, girls are the first ones to do it. One break-up and "the great bitching session" begins..

    And have you seen Cocktail movie? The good Indian girl who wrecks the life of a girl who gave her shelter. I hated Diana Penty's character

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    1. No I wanted to save myself from throwing abuse at folks. Hence, stayed away from that movie. Will torrent it sometime. Oh, not even a break up. Even an extended fight.

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  9. oh, I've been through all that alright...many, many times! Because, as you mentioned, in my singlehood, when I got together with females, I had to listen to asinine, boring comments mostly about other females, with a smidge about boys thrown in. When I teamed with the guys, I at least got to listen to some conversation on books, movies, sports etc!! So, of course, I teamed with the guys! I'm sure I was labeled everything in the book, and maybe some outside too, but since I stopped listening to other people when I was well in my teens, it ceased to bother me!!
    Completely agree with you that I am sick of the good Indian girl and have no wish to know her!!

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    1. Boring is the word, roshni! I am with the guys too, just for this reason. Well, I am way past teens but I guess some 25 year olds grow up slow. So I still hear em all :)

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  10. I missed out on so much by being a good Indian girl. I dated secretively and missed out on a lot of fun. I didnt have guy friends 'coz it was frowned upon. Wonder what kind of an artificially society we were/are living in?

    Now when I'm away from home, I do what I love, wear what I want, drink what I want to. But when I'm around family and relatives, the 'good' Indian girl takes over. When will this drama end!?

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    1. It hardly does. Either you play along, or stand afar and comment on it. Like I do :)

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  11. The problem exists deep down. Irrespective of the sex.

    There is still no fixed boundary between Good and Bad. And That itself allows each person to take up their own "Perspectives".

    And again when in a group, all those individual characteristics are lost out and a characteristic called "Mob" Psychology takes over.

    Moreover we in India have been heavily lectured on Tradition and Culture from our childhood. So when we get exposed to this current trend, it takes a lot of time to reach an understanding with ourselves and the outer world. So we are actually expressing the culture that was fed into us since we were toddlers when we are now teens and see a girl and a guy roaming together. We just cant accept the possibility of a friendship. We think , rather cheaply, that they are a couple.

    And I am not saying that all such pairs are friendships. The probability of a pair being a Committed Couple is more, say 70 percent.
    And half of it is because Relationships have become a FASHION now !

    We cant simply criticize/comment on a Girl because she is roaming with a guy because just like we guys want to roam with a hundred different hot women, girls also have the same feeling.

    Moreover not every single guy she roams with has to be her boyfriend, thus making her or giving her the image of a slut/bitch.

    Unfortunately , few have the maturity to think through all this. The rest simply resort to teasing women, thus making their lives more miserable than what it already is. (Not saying that guys life is all full of good stuff. I have equal incidents of Girls behaving as idiots, but that is not relavant to what is posted here).

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    1. Thank you for the comment. I agree with you totally :) It all boils down to social psychology, mob blah etc. To call a girl as a slut because she roams with men who are friends and blame it on the society is a serious lack of what the so called education has done to the society. Thanks, again :)

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  12. ..... and even if it is dating / friends or whatever it is.... why should the others make a big hulla about it?

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    1. Because "we" love to see dirt on other's gutters.

      We is a collective pronoun and usually denotes a group of individuals. In this context, it means irrespective of gender, colour and passports.

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  13. I read this long back but commenting late.

    To be honest, I really don't care a thought for fear of being perceived in a particular way.
    Imagine this: When I said that I had travelled to a lot of places in India alone for conferences and so on and came to Singapore alone (and not as a married woman), I was admired and my parents were praised because it was felt that Indian women don't do all this at all unless they are accompanied by elders or husbands.

    I don't really keep quiet and let it be, I do my fair share of campaigning and standing up for what I think is right.

    The above "good girl" is someone I fail to comprehend. And hence she doesn't exist for me. And to those who think that that is what womanhood is, you have the best title!

    Love love reading you Arch, incase I haven't said it already! :)

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    1. I nodded my way through and through. Your incident seems pretty bad - and I have had my share of name-calling too. Everything from slut to bitch to loose - in public forums to private-advice-conversations.

      You know how one has these pockets of memories hidden away. Until I read your post I didnt even remember most of this "good-bad-girl syndrome".

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