Friday, March 13, 2009

Random Musings - First Time

Archit( 4 years) crosses the road without help. He looks left-right-left everytime and seems to do it like crossing a river. I still dont do it.

Beaches look good even on TV. Saw a serial shot on the light house top.

When will the kid on nandanam signal colour Dora?

Satvika( 2 years) does not cry if her amma is not around.She only cries to her mother. I dont know why.

People on road dont look up when a flight zooms closer to ground. And they look at me in awe instead, when I tilt my head up.

Why are phones on loud mode at work? Why cant they put it on vibrate and keep it right in front of the monitor, if they are musically working?

Tea is a addiction. Even seeing it is. I love watching the way it boils to an aroma on the stove.

Orion Belt is so scintillating amongst the skies. Worried why 11 year old Ajitesh does not know anything about it.

Any fom of chocolate is evil. Even watchin it on makes me linger for a bite.

My lotus lip balm smells of strawberry. It is supossed to be Velvetty Rose.

Fab India skirts are mass crowd pullers. Everyone saw the girl during break today.

Bad eyebrows make people look older. I look 28 today. Feels like 29.

......will muse on.......

P.S : If you wish to, pick this as a tag on a work filled day to ease out some tension.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Belief - To Live

Belief – The single magical word that irons out the creases of the muffled and worn out life. With innumerable instances in this crooked life of ours to point out, and times when just a single belief has straightens things out. Like raindrops that platter across the window before forming a puddle, there are drops and specks of beliefs that form a puddle of emotions in us. Like a stone forming ripples, it creates a plethora of rapid successive emotions, positive, energetic and flowing with the so called life. This belief pulls you away from drudgery, challenges you to think different and forces you to stand up for a fight. It mobilizes your inner senses and gives you a match stick to bleakly light your way. And, with that bleak luminosity you will find your track back to reach where you were. It is not a support system that helps you to find your identity, rather it is a caring hand that jus shows you where you need to be and says why you need not be where you are. This belief is not a heavenly one, neither is a blessing. It is a heartfelt wish, an emotional push to the heart that so badly disbelieves in life. I have had this belief in my life work wonders on me. Most times, when I have so badly wanted to let go or call it quits, I realize it is a momentary decision and invariably, this belief pops up to show its head. Still, the disbelief and drudgery that fills my heart is so strong, that I refuse to acknowledge this ray. I still want to cling on to misery, feel miserable, cry and then dry up to wet myself with tears again. As much as we want to stop feeling bad, it is the most comfortable to feel that way and the best thing to do then is to feel pathetic and hurt. In times like this, when you feel like pulling your hair apart, and detest your reflection – practice yourself to think of the belief that you strongly put your heart and soul in. It may not be a comfortable and an easy option, but it is the only one that can being you back to what you should be and not leave you in a sense of despair. Build on a single, strong belief in life. And, nurture it with all positive energy you know of. This shall guide you during times you lose the candle of faith. It shall pull you back to your laid path and not let you roam endlessly in worlds of thoughts. It will teach you to live a life, and not just exist it. To some, this belief may be God. To some, it may be a divine person or a guru. And, to some others it may be a belief on someone. To me, it is a soul that wants me smiling as well always. Times when my tears choke my speech, the belief that there is soul somewhere breathing, hoping you are smiling this instant and hoping you are not choking this manner – puts me back on track. Makes me feel on top of my world. Teaches me to smile at every instant. Takes me on a dream journey every time I fall. Pushes me down sometimes, but is always a person to whom I can go and tell – you pushed me down, and now please pull me up. And believe me, this person will actually smile, say I am not sorry – but I love you and pull you up. That’s what life needs. A fight, a tear, a smile and a bigger expression of love through a smile!!

Thank You!

With waves lapping at my feet, breeze tearing apart my locks, sands playing around my toes I was immersed in whiffing at the seaside air when I noticed a crab drifting away from the waves to the dunes nearby. Minutes later, I saw the wave move towards the crab's dune. The crab seemed to be in a conversation with the wave. Constantly lapping, and caressing each other. Seemed so beautiful. So Complete. And that set me thinking....What follows is a train of thoughts that took over me. Since then, I became two personalities - One thinking. Another Observing the Thinking One.

As much as i am proud, I am afraid of thinking of you, or talking to you much now days. Probably, it is because you have grown so much, that I am finding it difficult to address you easily. For the kind of knowledge, ability you possess, you ought to be living a better life. If this is what you feel, try and find who does not look at a better life. Everyone in the world wants a better life. A better job, a better salary, a better phone, a better wallet, a better house. These are all the "better's" we address in life. There are some other the not addressed better's. Lets look at some of them now. A better life partner, A better mother, A better family, A better self, A better life with a better society. These become some of the better's that you do not really voice out. Here I take the time to address them all, call them all, and to tell them all - that I needed a better in these aspects of life. A better way of living -by acknowledging the self. Thank You.

Life has shown me some beautiful pathways, quite rugged and rocky, but certainly smooth enough to protect my feet. Else, in places where it could not protect my feet, it gave me slippers to walk on, or pointed towards a softer moss to step up on. To show my gratitude, to say a heartfelt thanks to you, to make sure you reach the bottom of the heart and pull a strand of muscle from there, that stretches itself in gratitude to this life, that has made you what you are today, that has shown you to be what you are. Here I take the time to thank that life, that has made me walk safe amidst all slush and dirt.A safe journey, with enough bruises, that would heal in a day. Thank you.

My being so far, has been mostly good, and partly not so good. There are so many out there, whose beings have been partly so good, and mostly bad. I look upon all of them as teachers, as seniors in life - who have experienced something that I have not, and I probably would never do so. Let me take the time to think of one of them today, recall the life's lesson I learn there, and the trial that senior faced, that i would not or did not face yet. Let me dedicate a minute to that misery that passed that soul and the ripples it caused. Most importantly, let me make a constant and enduring effort to realize the way the system of life jumped back to normalcy and created harmony. Here I take the time to reach out to the past, to embrace it and to look at it as a memory. A friend's milestone to walk back to, sit for a while and dust and walk from on. Thank you.

When my being came into existence, I had no worries to carry. No baggage's to hold, except the tiny frail body and lots of dreams - unmeasurable, but priceless. As much as I grew aged, The force that was sent within to pursue never let a wrinkle pass by. It evolved into what it could, took what it should and became a sense of being within. That invisible source was never called for, never told to go through any course of education because all the while it never deviated from its path of serving me. Here I take the time to salute that spirit within, the powerful, mighty ray that runs through me and has made me to what i should be today. Thank You.

The list of such thankful notes shall extend till my being knows to think. To think, to reason, to analyse and to take decisions, to cry, to laugh, to feel, to smile, to hug, to kiss, to express, to be able to make love, give affection, show care, feel compassion - and above all, to live and not exist - there is a last person to thank a person. My Self. To that wonderful and passionate creature that finds happiness, joy and shares peace, looks at mistakes with the eye of a baby and immediately gets up and smiles at it . To that creation of Almighty - Thank you.

In the life of a Prostitute

After I decided to blog back, I have been thinking on what I should possibly right. A lot many things have happened in the recent few months, that am finding it hard to begin with. I was recently a part of the International Film Festival, organised by InKo Centre at Satyam Cinemas.

It was a visual treat and a platter offered for thought. Most films revolved around women and portrayed, what can be called as bold indulgence of thoughts. They were subtle, strong and splendid in their own might.

To mention in particular, there was a film titled - "In the Flesh" directed by Bishakha Datta. This 53 minute feature film speaks about prostitutes and their lives. Since knowledge, for reasons unknown and unexplored, the life of a prostitute has always fascinated me.

The endurance she carries herself with, the embodiment of her complete womanhood and the plight of her daily wages - everything about her has always been a matter of awe to me. I have always read their stories, wanted to know how their life would be inside those dingy rooms and red lipsticks.It may be because of this, that I sought to watch many movies that have spoken about it.( Some I could remember - Appu, Laaga Chuneri Mein Daag, Kanavu Mei Pada Vendum,Sringaram,Arengtram etc). With the same sense of amazement, i watched this film.

In the Flesh is a movie with a difference. It makes you travel with them. You see them forcing men to use condoms. You see them coax and sweet talk. You see them spread handkerchiefs and entertain clients. You see them speak with that aura of confidence over gender issues. You see a lady buy wine and dance around with her girl friends. You see a 60 year old, tie a bunch of keys to her saree pallu and wade of men who try to misbehave with her. You see the reality of pathetic their life is and how they still manage to smile and make merry. You see a enuch stand up and say I am a prostitute, and I like being this way.

And you dont forget the lady who says she does social service by being a prostitute. This film is a real realistic film. It shows you how difficult life can be. It shows you how insignificant we are in this sphere. It instills in me a new found respect for this clan of women who we have long neglected and long forgotten.

They have always been the epitome of what I can proudly call as feminism, in my sense. The sense in which there is no second thoughts of truly being a woman. A sense in which life is made a breeze although tornadoes continue to slash. A sense in which all said and done, slept and gone - you tend to respect the woman in her. Salutes to all those ladies out there, who have dared to do things no one else can and continue to do so.

P.S - This post, in no means is trying to promote prostitution or degrade culture. It is a clear expression of my feelings, after being through certain thought processes. All those who feel I am not "cultural" enough, please stay different. After all, opinions are meant to differ.